I wish you could order shots online.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
