Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
