she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
