i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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