I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
