dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize