why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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