This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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