He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
