uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
