i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
