I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
