I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
