yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize