paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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