They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
