On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm like, not good at living.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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