So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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