just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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