Having a random hookup so left but love u
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
