What a fucking waste of an outfit
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
