I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
pray to the hookup gods
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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