How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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