I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
