So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
