What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
