May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
