a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
