If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
