Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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