I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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