I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
