I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
