no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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