he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
