Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Quick, to the slutcave!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize