Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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