i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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