there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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