Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
