his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You left your phone here
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