My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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