Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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