I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my being single is dangerous.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
not ubering you a puppy
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
