You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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