with your own penis?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We talked him into tasing himself.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
