My room smells like vodka and shame
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
