i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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