he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
