Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
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