you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
