bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
