I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
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did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
please don't ironically join a cult
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