you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
