I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
