happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
