Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
