I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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