I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
