Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
