You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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