just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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