A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
