he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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