so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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